Beyond ‘Fine’: Leading with Authentic Connection

“How are you?” “Fine”.

Does this remind you of an interaction you’ve had today? It’s an example of the sort of pleasantries we use all the time that elicit zero information.

I became aware of this the other day when I responded “fine” to a friend’s question. I was actually feeling horrible and had just been for a chest xray but didn’t think twice about my response.

It’s an example of phatic communication and is the modern day equivalent of the “how do you do” of the past. It serves a social rather than an informational purpose and creates a connection with those you don’t know well. It’s a type of linguistic dance that we all know how to engage.

Quite honestly we haven’t got the time to get the full lowdown of everyone’s state of health or domestic situation. However, for those whom you already know, isn’t there a more insightful way to ask questions?

Otherwise, as the questioner, we have to identify what is happening - the subtext of what is really going on underneath the “fine”.

 This is easier for some of us than for others. We need to be sensitive to the body language and vocal tone of the other to work out if that fine means they are really fine or something else.

Isn’t there a simpler way of getting to the truth and showing greater empathy?

Effective Communication Skill: Questions That Create Connection

Instead of "How are you?" perhaps you could ask:

• "What's the best thing that's happened today?"

•  "What's something you're looking forward to this week?"

• "What's something that's been on your mind recently?"

These aren't just conversation starters—they're effective communication tools that accomplish multiple leadership objectives:

•   They show genuine interest in the person, not just their output

•   They provide insights into motivation, challenges, and opportunities

•   They create psychological safety for more open dialogue

In a busy workplace, it’s easy to default to surface-level check-ins. But with just a small change in how we ask, we can build stronger, more human connections with our colleagues.

Your Leadership Challenge: Beyond 'Fine'

This week, try this experiment: replace "How are you?" with one meaningful question per day. Notice what happens. Pay attention to how people respond differently, how conversations deepen, and how relationships shift.

Because leadership isn't just about what you achieve—it's about how you make people feel while achieving it. A thoughtful question can turn routine interactions into real conversations — and that helps build a more effective, cohesive team.

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Ready to transform your leadership through authentic connection? Discover how small changes in your communication can create massive improvements in team engagement, trust, and performance. 

At Vermillion Coaching, we help leaders develop the communication skills that build both connection and results. Because the strongest leaders aren't just efficient—they're genuinely interested in their people.