Why We Need to Start Talking About Matrescence

Matrescence: The Question That Started Everything

Last month, during a coaching session, a client said something that stopped me in my tracks:

"I used to know exactly who I was. Now I feel like I'm meeting myself for the first time, but nobody seems to understand that this isn't just tiredness or hormones—something fundamental has changed."

She was describing matrescence, though she didn't know the word for it.

This conversation has been replaying in my mind because it made me realise something profound:

We live in a world where we have precise terminology for nearly every human experience, yet one of the most transformative periods in a woman's life remains minimally unacknowledged.

The Unnamed Transformation Affecting All Leadership Styles

Consider this thought experiment: What if we removed the word "adolescence" from our vocabulary?

Imagine trying to navigate those turbulent teenage years without anyone explaining that the confusion, mood swings; identity questioning, and physical changes were part of a recognised developmental phase.

We'd assume something was wrong with us, wouldn't we?

Yet this is precisely what we're asking millions of women to do when they become mothers.

Matrescence—the term coined by anthropologist Dana Raphael in the 1970s—describes the comprehensive psychological, physical, and emotional transformation that occurs when a woman becomes a mother.

Just as adolescence marks the transition from childhood to adulthood, matrescence marks the transition into motherhood.

But here's the striking part: Adolescence ends but, motherhood has no end because it’s a continuous transformation. Neuroscience tells us that your baby DNA cells becomes part of the birth mother, hence the nurturing and connection.

Even more interestingly, this unending transformation hits another evolution- menopause.

Reading Between the Lines

Once you know what to look for, you start seeing matrescence everywhere—hiding in plain sight in interviews, memoirs, and casual conversations.

Think about Adele talking about feeling “guilty all the time” trying to balance being a mother with working on her music.

Or Ruth Davidson, stepping down from political life citing the fact the job was “incompatible” with being the kind of mum she wanted to be.

And Kate Winslet being vocal about the pressures of having a demanding career alongside being a mother, saying she feels constant pressure to be “perfect” in both roles.

These are all women in the public eye who have struggled, are struggling, with the changes matresence brings. But these are the common cries of many mums we know. 

The Silence in our Communication Skills

Here's what's particularly fascinating: In professional settings, we've become comfortable discussing other major life transitions.

We acknowledge that someone going through a divorce might need support. We understand that caring for aging parents requires adjustments. We even recognise that midlife career changes are natural developmental processes.

But matrescence? We somehow expect seamless or considerably dialled-down reintegration.

I think about all the times I've heard:

"She's just not the same since she came back from maternity leave"

"She used to be so decisive, but now she seems uncertain"

"Her confidence isn't what it used to be"

What if these observations aren't criticisms but recognitions of profound transformation in progress?

The Ripple Effect of Silence

When we don't name matrescence, several things happen:

Women feel isolated. They experience this massive internal shift but lack the language to explain it to themselves or others. They wonder if they're failing when they're actually succeeding at one of life's most complex transitions.

Organisations miss opportunities. Instead of supporting women through this transformation, they inadvertently create environments where women feel they must pretend nothing has changed—leading to decreased engagement, confidence, and often, departure.

Society loses wisdom. The insights that emerge from matrescence—about priority-setting, authentic leadership, sustainable success—remain unrecognized and undervalued.

The Power of Naming: Executive Presence Tips

There's something profound that happens when we name an experience. It moves from being a personal struggle to a recognised human phenomenon. It shifts from "What's wrong with me?" to "This is what I'm going through."

Imagine if we started conversations differently:

Instead of "How are you adjusting back to work?" we asked, "How is matrescence affecting your professional identity?"

Instead of "You seem different," we said, "I can see you're navigating some big internal changes."

Instead of "When will you feel like yourself again?" we wondered, "What is this new version of yourself teaching you?"

Looking Forward

Over the next quarter, we at Vermillion Coaching will be diving deeper into this space. Not because we have all the answers, but because we believe the conversation itself is overdue and yes it affects our communication skills.

We'll explore how matrescence affects executive presence, professional confidence, leadership voice, and that sense of vitality that drives career satisfaction. We'll examine why some women navigate this transition more smoothly than others, and what support systems make the biggest difference.

But mostly, we'll be talking about it. Because the first step in support is acknowledging that it exists.

——————————————————————————

At Vermillion Coaching, we believe in building your confidence through your voice and pesence. Over the coming months, we'll be sharing insights about matrescence and its impact on professional development, executive presence, and authentic leadership. Follow our journey as we explore this fascinating intersection of personal transformation and professional growth.