What Kind of Leadership do I Need?
I've always had a problem with authority.
Not with leadership. Not with direction. Not even with being told what to do when it makes sense.
My issue has always been with its abuse.
The Moment that Crystallised Everything
The other day, I was in a shop and witnessed something that's stayed with me. Someone—clearly in a hurry, clearly stressed—spoke to a sales assistant in a way that made me wince.
The interaction was over something minor. Completely minor. But the tone was dismissive, impatient, almost contemptuous. They weren't speaking to this person. They were speaking at them.
It was impatience masquerading as efficiency. Rudeness justified by a perceived power imbalance. A casual display of disrespect that neither persons would probably even remember by the end of the day.
I wasn't involved. It wasn't directed at me. But it upset me anyway.
Because moments like that reveal everything.
What Authority Reveals About Character
I've spent two decades coaching leaders, and I've learned that how someone treats people who can't push back tells you everything you need to know about their character.
The waiter who can't talk back. The junior employee who needs the reference. The sales assistant who's required to stay professional no matter what.
These interactions are the real test.
What I don't respect in authority—what I'll always push back against—includes:
Using a condescending tone to feel important. Speaking down to people because you can, because the power dynamics allow it, because you've confused your position with your worth.
Assuming your status excuses rudeness. As if being busy, being senior, being stressed somehow exempts you from basic human decency.
Ignoring the power imbalance in the room. Pretending the dynamics don't exist, or worse, exploiting them because you know the other person has limited options to respond.
Treating people as obstacles instead of humans. Viewing anyone who can't immediately give you what you want as an inconvenience rather than a person doing their job.
Authority that relies on making others feel small isn't leadership. It's insecurity dressed up in a position title.
And that's the kind of authority worth checking.
What Real Leadership Requires
Here's the truth that many leaders don't want to hear: leadership comes with authority whether you like it or not. The moment you step into a leadership role, you have power over others—their time, their opportunities, sometimes their livelihoods.
But leadership also comes with responsibility.
The responsibility to have:
Humility to recognise power dynamics. You need to be aware when you're in the position of power. When your words carry more weight. When someone can't easily push back against you. This awareness should inform how you communicate, not give you permission to communicate carelessly.
Empathy to adjust your tone. Your stress, your deadline, your bad day—none of that is justification to speak to people with disrespect. Empathy means recognising that your tone affects others, and choosing to adjust it even when you're frustrated.
Awareness that how you communicate matters just as much as what you're asking for. You might get compliance through dismissive communication. You might even get the result you need in the moment. But you won't get respect, trust, or genuine engagement. And in the long run, those matter more.
The Vermillion Approach to Authority and Leadership
This is exactly what we coach at Vermillion. It's not just about communication techniques or presentation skills. It's about fundamentally rethinking what it means to lead with authority.
We work with leaders to:
Connect with everyone, regardless of title or role. Your ability to communicate effectively with the CEO shouldn't be any different from your ability to communicate with the person cleaning the office. Different contexts, yes. Different respect? Absolutely not.
Speak with the same respect you expect in return. This isn't complicated. It's the golden rule applied to leadership communication. If you wouldn't accept being spoken to that way, don't speak to others that way.
Be firm without being demeaning. You can set boundaries. You can have high standards. You can hold people accountable. None of that requires making someone feel small or inadequate. Clarity and kindness can coexist.
Never confuse someone's role with their worth. The person serving you coffee, answering your email, or processing your request is not less valuable because they're in a service position. Their role is different. Their worth as a human being is exactly the same as yours.
See authority as a responsibility to create ease, not discomfort. Your position should make things work better for everyone, not just for you. Authority used well creates clarity, efficiency, and psychological safety. Authority used poorly creates anxiety, resentment, and disengagement.
The Kind of Leadership Worth Building
Real authority doesn't need to dominate to be felt.
The leaders who command genuine respect—not just compliance—are the ones who understand this intuitively. They don't need to raise their voice to be heard. They don't need to diminish others to feel important. They don't need to constantly remind people of their position because their leadership speaks for itself.
These are the leaders people choose to follow, not just when they have to, but because they want to.
These are the leaders who build teams that stay. Who create cultures where people do their best work. Who inspire loyalty not through fear but through genuine respect.
This is the kind of leadership we believe in at Vermillion. And this is the kind of leadership we help build.
Not leadership that relies on making others feel small. Not authority that uses power dynamics as a weapon. Not communication that treats people as obstacles.
But leadership that recognises authority as a responsibility. That understands power dynamics and chooses empathy. That communicates with the same respect it expects.
Because at the end of the day, how you make people feel matters. Your title might give you authority, but your character determines whether you're actually leading.
And the world needs more of the latter.
Ready to develop leadership communication that earns respect rather than demands it? Contact Vermillion Coaching to explore how we can work together to build the kind of authority that doesn't need to dominate.
