What (Tele)phones Are Doing to Our Communication (And Why It Matters More Than You Think)
Telephone
Ever caught yourself checking your phone mid-conversation? You're not alone – and it may be impacting you more than you realise.
Let's Be Honest About Our Phone Addiction
Now I don't want to come across as a complete Luddite. I know phones have their uses.
I think about times in the past when a phone would have solved all my problems: at Glastonbury, deciding to go back to the car to get something and then not being able to find my friends; in Madrid, waiting for 3 hours for a date to turn up only to discover the clocks had gone forward; trying to coordinate a family trip to the countryside, phone boxes being our only means to keep in touch.
In all these circumstances a phone would have made things much easier. However, haven't we gone too far the other way?
Your Executive Presence Is Taking a Hit (Even If You Don't Realise It)
Leaving my phone at home feels akin to chopping one of my arms off.
Yes, running your own company means that you do need to be available - and this is what I've always told my family as they shout at me for tapping away at it - but is that really for 24 hours a day?
What we're witnessing in boardrooms and leadership meetings across the corporate world is a crisis of presence. Executive presence – that intangible quality that makes leaders memorable, influential, and inspiring – is being eroded. You know that quality that makes people want to follow you? The thing that makes you memorable in meetings?
Well your phone is quietly undermining it.
Effective Communication: The Word 'Telephone' Says It All
I looked up what the word means and tele is Greek for far, phone for voice or sound. So telephone literally means "distant sound".
No wonder we've dropped the 'tele' and are just using 'phone', most of us are never more than a metre away from ours. And now even on the tube you can hear people jabbering away on them.
This linguistic evolution reveals something profound about how we communicate. We've created devices for "distant sound" but now we use them when people are right next to us. Ironic, isn't it?
We know about the corrosiveness of social media and comparison but are drawn like bees to a honey pot to scroll incessantly, hooked on the burst of dopamine they trigger in us.
I see this all the time in my corporate training courses. Teams who are constantly messaging each other but can't have a decent face-to-face conversation. Leaders who know everything about their industry on LinkedIn but nothing about what's really going on with their people.
Reclaiming Digital Boundaries: Three Simple Changes That Transformed Everything for Me
Now I am an addict, I'll freely admit. But I've decided to take back some control. I've never allowed them at the table - that for me is just plain wrong - but now I’m trying out the following:
Effective communication Tip #1: The Peace of No Notifications
I've stopped charging my phone by my bed. I leave it on the other side of the room, which means that I read before sleeping, as opposed to scrolling, and I sleep better because I'm totally disconnected from all the things associated with the phone.
This simple change improved my professional communication skills. When you're well rested, you listen better, think clearer, and respond rather than react.
Effective Communication Tip #2: The Power of Undivided Attention
I've also started turning it off at certain times in the day. For meetings or 1:1 conversations I don't want notifications distracting me as they undermine my ability to connect and therefore reduce my influence.
It is also a clear sign to those you're with that you value them and their time. As Simone Weil said: "Attention is the purest form of generosity".
In effective communication training, we teach that influence isn't about what you say – it's about how present you are when you say it. The leaders who put their phones face down (or better yet, away completely) during conversations see their influence skyrocket. People notice. They feel valued. And they start bringing their best ideas to you.
Effective Communication Tip #3: The Art of Being Still
Thirdly, I'm trying just to sit and be still.
I've noticed that if you're with someone and one of you goes to the bathroom, the other will be on his or her phone immediately. Now I'm trying to just sit and think/look around me, and stay present rather than grab my phone, as I know this is better for my wellbeing.
Effective communication isn't just about speaking – it's about creating space for others to be heard. Leaders who can't tolerate moments of silence or stillness miss opportunities for breakthrough conversations and innovative thinking.
Try this experiment next time you're waiting somewhere: resist the phone grab. Just observe. Think. Be present. You'll be amazed at what you notice and the ideas that come to you.
As human beings we yearn for connection and meaning, but searching for these through our phones is not going to work.
It makes me think of the Renaissance painter in Ali Smith's How To Be Both, who time travels to the present and sees people, heads down looking at their screens. He's confused about what they're doing and believes them to be "votive tablets" at which they're worshipping.
How do you use your phone? As a piece of technology that you use sometimes or as an altar at which you worship?
The Executive's Digital Detox: A Call to Action
Look, I'm not suggesting you throw your phone in a drawer and go completely analog. But what about a small change?
Maybe charge it in another room tonight. Turn it off during your next important conversation. Resist the bathroom phone grab just once.
The leaders I work with who make these tiny shifts see huge changes in their communication skills training results. Not because they've learned new techniques, but because they've remembered how to be present.
I can vouch for the fact that your team, your family, and honestly, your own wellbeing will thank you for it.
What do you say? Ready to take back some control?
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If this resonates with you and you're wondering how your phone habits might be affecting your leadership impact, let's chat. Sometimes an outside perspective can help you see what you're missing – and what's possible when you're truly present.
